A good marriage counselor understands the power of forgiveness in a healthy couples relationship. Arlington Heights marriage counselor Katrina Christie shares thoughts on this important virtue. We all make mistakes every once in a while. When this mistake hurts your spouse or partner, being able to forgive and let go is an essential tool for a healthy marriage.
FORGIVENESS: AN ESSENTIAL TOOL FOR A HEALTHY MARRIAGE
Chances are you and your partner have each said or done something that has hurt the other. Intentional or not, asking for forgiveness and forgiving for a hurt are important tools for lasting, healthy relationships.
When You’ve Been Hurt
In every relationship, inevitably there are things that are said or done that hurt the other. Unkind words, betrayal of a confidence, and disinterest in the other are all examples of ways we can hurt each other. Forgiving your partner, especially when they are asking for your forgiveness, keeps you healthy both emotionally and physically. Harboring old hurts can be very destructive and can evolve into more anger and bitterness.
It’s important to make a conscious decision to forgive and then let go. Do not continue to use the mistake as ammunition in future arguments. Over time, this can whittle away at the core of your marriage. Forgiving and letting go of past hurts is critical for keeping your marriage healthy and strong.
How To Ask For Forgiveness
If you are the one who has wronged the other, asking forgiveness can be a tremendous healer. But asking forgiveness requires true remorse and honesty on your part. You must be willing to make a commitment to your partner that you won’t cause the hurt again. Listen to what your partner says and needs from you in order to offer forgiveness. Then take it to heart and make a very conscious effort to make amends. Most important, be patient. Forgiveness can take time and your spouse deserves to process and accept your apology at their pace.
When Forgiveness Doesn’t Work
Forgiving someone does not mean you approve or condone their action. It simply means that you are acknowledging their mistake and accepting their apology. However, not everyone learns from their mistakes. If this is the case in your marriage, and a cycle of hurt and forgiveness develops, you need to take a more serious look at your relationship. When your spouse continues to hurt or betray you, even after you’ve forgiven them, it could be a sign that your relationship is in trouble. A professional marriage counselor can help you sort through the issues and come up with an action plan for moving forward.
Since 1981, First Health Associates has been providing exceptional health care to residents of Arlington Heights, Mt. Prospect, Schaumburg, Buffalo Grove, Rolling Meadows, Palatine, Elk Grove and Des Plaines. Our Arlington Heights behavioral therapist Katrina Christie, MEd, LCPC, is rated one of the best counselors in the Northwest suburbs. First Health is an integrative medicine practice that offers: Medical Care; Acupuncture and Traditional Chinese Medicine; Counseling and Behavioral Therapy; and Chiropractic Care.
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